Pronouns matter

by PimaLib_PrideAttention: This post is over 3 years old and the information may be out of date.June 4, 2021

She/her/hers
He/him/his
They/them/theirs
Ze/zir/zirs
Xe/xem/xyrs

Pronouns are the words we use in place of proper names. They are also a signifier for someone's gender identity. But, you can't always know someone's gender identity just by looking at them. When you use the wrong one or make assumptions, you are erasing a person's identity and potentially sending a harmful message. A step that you can take to avoid sending a harmful message is to clarify a person's pronouns. It is an act of inclusivity and respect.

At Pima County Public Library, we value diversity—serving everyone and finding strength in celebrating our differences. When we are made aware of a person's pronouns, whether staff or a member of the public, we use them. Why? There are lots of reasons—here are some to consider:

It alleviates pressure on an individual to make an announcement, possibly putting them in an uncomfortable position.
It's a simple and respectful way to normalize discussion about gender.
It creates a more welcoming and inclusive workplace.
It is one of the most basic ways to show respect for a person's gender identity.
It sets a tone of allyship and can make a difference for those who may feel vulnerable.
It is a learning opportunity.
It is a way to show people that you don't assume gender identity is based on appearance.

Unsure of how to do it? Here are some ways you can ask a person what their preferred pronouns are:

"What pronouns do you use?"
"How would you like me to refer to you?"
"How would you like to be addressed?"
"Can you remind me which pronouns you like for yourself?"
"My pronouns are he, him, and his. What about you?"

You may find it difficult to use gender-neutral language at first, but you can do it! According to the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, opens a new window (GLSEN), here are some tips to keep in mind:

Practice, practice, practice! Use gender-neutral pronouns such as “they” and “ze” while visualizing the person who uses them. This is especially useful to do right before you’re about to see the person.
If you know someone who has changed pronouns, practice by retelling your favorite memory of them using their new pronouns.
When addressing groups of people or people whose pronouns you haven’t been told, use gender-neutral language such as, “siblings,” “third graders,” “students”, “friends,” “folks,” “all,” or “y’all,” rather than “brothers and sisters,” or “guys,” “ladies,” “ma’am,” or “sir.”
Use descriptive language if you do not know a person’s gender, pronouns, or name. e.g. Can you give this paper to the person across the room with the white t-shirt and short brown hair?

Want to learn more? Here are some resources about the recent expansion of pronouns: